Fact: I’ve never seen “Free Willy” but it doesn’t bug me to hear people shout it out when they see me. It actually amuses me that it amuses people 21 years after the movie came out. I’m silly like that. If you know me you know it’s true.
Fact: I’ve never seen “Any Given Sunday” but it doesn’t bug me when people sing the song (if you don’t know which one, I am not telling you). 15 years ago people started serenading me like this, and I’m not even sure what the original sounds like, but hey, if singing that my name makes ladies scream somewhere, who am I to complain? I don’t have to hear the screaming, and I don’t have to do the singing. You don’t want me to do the singing, trust me. To the proverbial ladies who do the screaming, please don’t do it around or at me. I startle easily. You keep that over there and scream at whoever is singing to you. It’s all good. I promise I won’t feel left out.
Fact: I’ve been married to the love of my life 13 years. <rant> If one more person (who actually has known me longer than I’ve been married) walks up to me and actually presents the idea of procreation as though it had never occurred to me… as though I managed to ride this beautiful big blue marble around the sun almost 40 times without figuring out that reproduction was possible… I am quite likely to stick my right finger into my mouth, and then directly apply it to that person’s left ear. Seriously, the 5 of you (you know who you are) only see me a few times a year. Can we talk about something a little more G-rated? </rant>